Every Parents Nightmare

You can't escape it, no matter how much you may want to. Sooner or later, your child will learn to drive. They will put out the hands that used to have trouble holding onto a cup without spilling, and gleefully ask those mind numbing words" Can I borrow the car?" Kids understand driving is a big deal. It signals the ultimate freedom for them. Little do they realize the immense power that comes with that small piece of plastic. I rarely advocate for "tough love" or scaring kids straight. This might be an exception. Kids need to know just how easily they can become victims on the roadways. They need to understand it only takes a split second of inattention to cause an accident that may well end a life.So while you are searching for your insurance agents number and your check book, keep this list in handy to go over with your kids as they take off on their first drive. Make sure they have a good teacher, someone that is patient and has nerves of steel. I recommend this not be you. It is well worth the money to employ a professional driving instructor to brave the terrors of student driving. Consider a defensive driving course.Not only will this decrease your insurance bill, but it will give your kids an idea of how a car behaves in certain conditions, like wet roads. Practice, practice, practice! Although it may take every ounce of courage to do, ride with your kids.. a lot. See how they react to traffic. This is when you may actually be able to help them with some lessons you have learned along your ride. Teach them about safety. Every driver should know how to place road flares if they breakdown and they should always have emergency numbers in their car and their wallet or purses. Let them know, they can call you if they are in an accident no matter how minor it may be. This is where you exercise patience. They will test you to see what kind of a reaction they will get with a " Hi Dad, I just hit a post" call. If you go through the roof, chances are when they really are in a wreck you will be the last person they call. So do you really want to chance your child calling that wierd kid he hangs out with in an emergency? Parents, my advice to you is pray lots, maybe drink a little to steady your nerves and be ready for anything once your kids hit the highways. Good luck!

When Schools Were Safe

There has been much press over the use of seclusion and restraint in schools, especially concerning kids with developmental and mental health issues. Since I have worked in psychiatry for over 20 years, I find this very interesting. The fact we have this as an issue raises a larger question...WHY? 15 years ago, there was no need to hold a child, or lock them in an isolation room. There were no police on the school campus and teachers actually were more concerned with teaching that disarming their class. But that was when parents were in control of their kids and involved in schools.
The current turmoil, as I understand it, has to do with kids who have ASD ( Autism Spectrum Disorder) or a similar type developmental delay which prevents them from being able to function in a general classroom setting. Sometimes these kids can become combative, but usually if they feel threatened or extremely frustrated, which increases their anxiety level. The general classrooom has limits on the abaility of a teacher to give a child specialized attention based on sheer numbers. Special Ed teachers should be able to handle our kids without causing more escalation by their interventions. But again, numbers sometimes prvent this from occuring. Our classrooms are overcrowded and special education classrooms are saved for the worst case scenarios. There seems to be a ruch to get kids back to general classrooms as quickly as possible even if we know they will fail without adequest supports. For a child on the spectrum, change is a trigger for "disruptive" behavior. These kids thrive and do well on consitency. We in Texas, have a law which prohibits use of seclusion and restraints in all but extreme danger to self or others,in the medical world. Even then, if we do need to hold a child, we have all had specialty training and know how to do this without harming the kid. It takes training, both physical training and phychological training.
Someone who is using a hold needs to know the history of the child. A child who has heightened skin receptors may feel hurt by direct physical contact. Any child who takes longer to process information may feel they are being attacked and strike back. This is traumatic and further damages the ability of the child to mainatin calm behaviors in theis evnivonment. Much like a trauam victim, just the smell or the sight of items they witnessed during the intervention can cause the fear of attack to trigger more disruption. Teachers and school officials are rarely adequately trained in the use of these techniques except to restore order. The psychological impact of the event is an after thought. The recent serious injuries of kids at the hands of school officials is cause for a very seriously look at how we treat our kids as a nation. We teach them might equals right. Bigger and stronger prevails over the weaker. It is ok to make fun of and take advantage of those who are innocents by our standards. I urge all who read this to forward it and then do some research into your own school districts. Find out how school staff receive training on the use of seclusion and restraint. How often do they have to re-certify? What do the policies say? We trust the schools to keep out kids safe. Recent history has shown that trust is sometimes misplaced. OnN the list of blogs I follow, you will find a link to Wright's Law. Please read the blog posts there and get involved locally and at a national level if you so desire. Take a stand for our kids. They are the only future we have.

Merry Christmas!

It is Christmas morning and the kids have already shredded the gift wrapping and are busy playing with their new toys. Mom and dad are exhausted and sit clutching their 8Th cup of coffee. If you listen closely you can hear sighs of " Thank God we made it through another Christmas Day!" And everyone swears they will not wait till the last minute next year. We will eat too much and have a huge mess to deal with later. But now, we are enjoying a moment of peace.
Today is the anniversary of the day we have designated as the day of Christ's birth in a town in Bethlehem. Many Nations across the world celebrate this day with us. Some religions don't, and that is fine. Today, however, if you truly believe in the birth of the Christ Child, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed by saying so. Wish people a "Merry Christmas!" That in itself is not an offensive statement, and I am not sure when we began to think it was. No other religion is prevented from letting the world now of the special days they observe, and we are ok with that. But when, in a country that was founded by people who believe and trust in an all knowing God who's Son was born into flesh denies Christians from expressing their beliefs, something has gone wrong, horribly wrong. I have seen children's groups happily sing Silent Night yet they are forbidden to sing a song that talks about a Saviour's love. One place that serves children was treated to a Christian singer and song writer doing an impromptu concert. AS long as he sang Jungle Bells and Silent Night it was all good. One course of Mary Did You Know and his mic went dead.
Today while you are recovering from the commercial part of this holiday, please remember the true reason behind the celebration. Wish Jesus a Happy Birthday and be proud to stand up for your faith and your traditions. Merry Christmas everyone. May the joy of this day warm you throughout the coming year.

Christmas Expectations

Ah, yes the beautiful majesty of a peaceful, snowy evening spent while angelic faces listen patiently to the story " Twas the Night before Christmas". I have heard and seen evidence this actually happens but I have never experienced such a miracle. My Christmases spent with children involve crying, screaming, crashing and throwing up. Wrapping paper being shredded and boxes thrown willy nilly around the room, while I trudged through an avalanche of debris looking for the tiny pieces of the toys the grandparents bought my kids. And somewhere I hear an elf laughing hysterically! This stated out as a "how to survive Christmas" piece, but I thought that would be a bit trite. Perhaps a how to make the best of the reality of your family would be better. All parents have some idea of the perfect Christmas day spent with their children in a Norman Rockwellian portrait. Unless your children are from Stepford or on heavy medication, this probably is not a reality. The best you can hope for is noting catches on fire, no one gets hurt and no one gets sick and throws up on a weak stomached relative. Realizing the chaos and frenzy of an unorganized Christmas morning is what you will long remember will help you accept the aftermath a little easier. The kids probably will get bored with the really expensive thing they just had to have and abandon it in favor of the latest greatest x-box game, no matter how horrifying it may be for you. And that elf just keeps on laughing. So do yourself a favor this year. Take that mental picture of the perfect family gathered around the perfect tree taking turns unwrapping a gift and politely saying thank you and file it in the "yea sure" section of your brain. Replace it with "I will embrace the joy and wild activity and participate in the fun, not thinking about the mess we are making, but the memories we are creating as a family. As the teens, rip through their cards and gather their cash, give thanks they are fortunate enough to get money and delight in the fact they can be trusted to go off with their friends for a while. Remember, sooner or later, the sugar crash will set in and all the kids will be fast asleep, giving you time to reflect and enjoy that perfect Christmas by the fire. Remember soon, the kids will be grown and living their own lives. The Christmases will be shorter and harder to come by. Work schedules make Christmas visits a task instead of a joy. That magic anticipation of a child at Christmas will be just a memory. I invite all adults to play Santa Claus, or an elf this year. And always remember the reason for the season. Have a blessed Christmas!

Drug Abuse and Kids

There is a huge debate going on over the impact of drug abuse on our society. There are those that believe it is overblown and mental illness takes priority over recreational drug use gone wild. The truth is, kids and adults who have untreated mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and some types of psychosis use drugs to try to medicate their symptoms themselves.
You see ,strangely enough, it is much better to be a drug addict than to be mentally ill. Mental illness seems to imply parents are at fault and the child is damaged beyond all hope of repair. The child may also be totally untrustworthy, prone to fits of homicidal rage, at the blink of an eye. Drug use can just be overcome, by sheer test of will, and a few 12 step meetings here and there.
But what if there are both mental illnesses and drug abuse going on at the same time? What if your 16 year old son is struggling with severe depressive episodes and anxiety, which makes it impossible to stay in school a whole day without having a nuclear level melt down. What could he use to help get him through that day? Maybe a little marijuana? It isn't that hard to get. You can actually grow and harvest a small amount for personal use without drawningtoo much attention to yourself. Then there are the over the counter things, like benadryl, that help you relax. Kids who don't have an avenue to go seek help from a medical doctor without alerting the parent patrol resort to whatever they can get to help them. Alcohol is another big seller. It is easy to get and legal. There are many many more.
The more complex the array of substances, the higher the danger for something bad to happen as a result of a child trying to figure out a way to cope. If parents truly believe their kids are innocent of drugs, there may be another thing we need to add in the mix called denial. Adults are rarely privileged to the underground communication networks of their kids. Teens are getting inside information from friends who have been there and found things that help them make it through undetected, at least for a time. They will try whatever it takes to help them feel normal again.
So what do we look at first? Which came first, the mental health issue or the drug issue? It really depends on the environment and the child. But any child who has a family history of either mental health issues or drug abuse concerns needs to know just how quickly they could get sucked into a quagmire of darkness and grief. There are so many prevention programs, it would be hard to list them all here, so I will just include a few links for you. The issue most important to this discussion is all kids are subject to abusing drugs. All kids are prone to developing a mental health issue even if only a mild one for a short period. My challenge to you is you decide which one gets the most attention. Do we just not screen for drug abuse and hope they are the 10% that are honest when they say they have NEVER tried a drug? Or do we assume they all have tried and just include drug prevention education in their classes and treatment plans if they are over 10 and under 75 yeras old?
I talk to kids everyday. They all admit to having used drugs of some sort regularly. Some are prescribed. Some the parents know about. It helps them do better on test scores, it helps them eat less. It gives them more energy. They can talk better to girls. Loads of reasons why. Those kids are out there with your kids. Have a serious talk with your own kids and find out how big an issue it is for them and their friends. Then,armed with personalized facts, talk with city, county and state leaders about why there are so little drug abuse prevention programs for adolescents and even less actual treatment programs and why those programs don't get funding. If you do get an answer, please share it with us. Our kids are dying to know why they are so unimportant.
For more information on drug abuse and prevention try this group www.SAACADA.org , and NIDA

Doctors and Counselors, Which one do I need?

When a parent understands their child may need psychiatric help, it is a crisis. Then the realization that you may not know what kind of help your child would do best with becomes reality. Do you need a psychiatrist, or maybe a Phd? How about a counselor or a therapist? Is there any difference? There are vast differences between the different types of help in the world of psychiatry, and I'll try to explain them simply here.
A psychiatrist is the medical doctor of the group. This professional has completed medical school, residency, internships and specialty rotations in a chosen field like psychiatry. They may be " boarded" by passing a rigorous exam in a practice area of expertise, like child psychiatry. These doctors can prescribe medications and have all the privileges ad responsibilities of a medical doctors, just like a pediatrician.
The next type is a PhD. These are academic doctors and have an extended education in a chosen area as well. Psychology is one area. The expertise can go farther into testing and family therapy. Some PhD's specialize in analysis which is a very long process of therapy. Some are especially trained in developmental psychology which focuses on the various stages a child goes through and what can cause them problems along the way.
The next possible level is either a LMSW (liscensed medical social worker, a Marriage and family therapist or an LPC. Liscensed Professional Counselor. These all require varying degrees of formal education at post graduate level plus a huge number of hours in internships working with the population they choose to specialize in. The latter 3 credentials usually charge less per hour, but if you pick the right one, they can give you just as much value and progress for your time and money. Unless you need testing, an expert in family dynamics or a doctor to use medications, the best place to start with is an LPC or LMSW. These professionals are very talented therapists,and can tell you after a couple of sessions if they can handle the situation and what the plan will be. They can let you know what they expect from you and your child and can enlist your help in creating a plan of care that will work well for you. They are also very good at letting you know if it is time to pull in a higher level of therapy for a consultation. A consultation generally is a short term visit with long term effects. A referral to another mental health provider simply means the therapist wishes to go to their strongest player on the team for a clear picture of the issue. The use of medication is probably the ultimate " go to the bench" play when there seems to be no other way to effectively and quickly interrupt symptoms that are are causing extreme disruption of the child's life. Your therapy experience may include one or all of these providers but rarely all at one time. Therapy is a process and in children, just like with their clothing, the kind, style and size needs to change as the child grows. It is not a quick fix and requires a commmitment on your part to follow the plan. It can be very beneficial and very helpful to you and your child. Wishing you all great mental health!

Finding a Therapist that Fits

When you have decided therapy may be needed for you and your child, how do you choose who to see? Your insurance carrier will give you suggestions and your friends will suggest people they know or have heard good things about. The school counselors may be able to help with a suggestion or two. But ultimately, the decision is yours.
Since this can be an overwhelming task by itself I offer a few pointers. Here are a some steps you can use to help make the choice easier. First, use a reputable source. Friends may be able to give you some names, but using an insurance carrier or a local mental health authority will cut the process time appreciably. Also you can be sure the person they are suggesting stands up to some sort of quality standards.
Next, be sure to verify the therapist you are considering is a child specialist. You can find this out by calling the office and asking a few direct questions. Make sure the therapist is skilled at therapy that is age appropriate for your child. Some therapists are not comfortable with play therapy and can only work well with a very verbal child. Also, check with the office on available times. If you are time stressed, perhaps a therapist who offers weekend or late evening appointments will work best. Find out how they handle after hours calls. At 10:30 in the middle of a crisis is the wrong time to discover your therapist uses a service that instructs callers to go to the emergency room. Additionally, you need to pick a gender. Some children do better with men, others with women. Generally, the person who is less threatening to the child will work the best, since therapy depends upon a trusting and honest relationship.
Be prepared to have sessions you are not included in. Children tend to talk more freely if the parents are not present. All therapists who work with children are duty bound to inform you of anything that is a danger to your child's health and well being. Most make it very clear from the beginning when they will break a child's confidence and why.
Don't expect rapid results. It takes time to form a relationship and this is what it is all about. Give the process time to have an impact. Encourage your child to feel free enough to call their therapist when they feel they need to. Let them know they have control over when and how much they talk to their therapist. Asks the therapist if they work well with other health professionals, like your family doctor, and especially teachers. Your child is provided care by a multitude of people throughout their day. They all have a perspective on what your child is going through that is different from any other. Use them all. They are all useful.
Finally, make sure your child is involved in the interview appointment with the therapist. The first meeting should be an informal one where you all can ask questions, and set some ground rules for the sessions. If your child feels they are given a say, the process can proceed much more smoothly. Don't be afraid to ask questions especially if you don't understand what the therapist is telling you. Information is only useful if it is understandable. Look at the therapy room. Is it child friendly? Is there child sized furniture, toys, a play area, maybe a sand box? What kind of art is on the wall? It should be something that appeals to a child.
With all this in mind, you are well prepared to find that special person who can work with you and your family to help provide the support your child needs through way may be a difficult period. Take great pride in pursuing help for you and your child. It takes a great deal of courage and compassion to help someone face their fears, because there are usually a few of you own that pop up along the way. Here's to starting the road to growing a strong, mentally healthy children. It is the best gift you can ever give. It can be one of the most enriching experiences for a parent and child to journey on this path together. One of lasting memories and exceptional insight into just who your child is becoming. Here is to good mental health.

The Perfect Holiday Doesn't Exist

It is that time of year again when we all gather around a humongous feast and eat way too much and see people we haven't seen in years. The holiday season brings tidings of peace and joy and a fair amount of unresonable expectations which leads to increased holiday stress and anxiety. Families have grown up with the perfect holiday gathering etched in their heads. We can't help but expect a serene and beautiful holiday experience. But Timmy will throw mashed potatoes at his sister and grandpa will take out his teeth to remove a sesame seed, thus grossing out all the teens at the table, and probably some adults too. There are those people that will laugh way too loud, or drink just a little too much holiday cheer and make a pass at their sister in law or spend the evening crying over the burned yams.
This is what holidays are really like. MESSY! To expect a perfect holiday is like expecting Santa and all 8 reindeer to drop by in full view of the kids and sign an autograph before taking off for the next stop. Do yourself a favor and try to remember the messiest and least scripted experiences are probabaly the ones you will treasure long after they are gone. These are the things people will talk about for years to come, even when the offending family member has long since passed on. These are what makes life special and memorable. Enjoy the mess. Enjoy the dog running off with the Christmas ham. Yes, enjoy Uncle Harry's "pull my finger" gag.
The mystery of life and the magic of the holidays in captured in the unexpected and spontaneous moments yet to come. Do your best to enjoy the time with your freinds and family without expecting them to be "well behaved and polite". Enjoy finding out just who they really are and watching them enjoy being with you. Be thankful for a happy and healthy family that has enough this year to have a place to sit and food to eat.
Celebrate the unique symphony that is your family in full holiday swing. Kids, take a few pictures while you are at it. You never know when you may need backmail material!
Happy Thanksgiving and save me a turkey leg!

The Stress of Childhood

On November 3, 2009 the American Psychological Association released a report detailing the impact of stress on kids, tweens to be exact. A tween is a kid aged 8-12, which can be a very difficult time for a child. They don't fit into the little kids group and they are too young for the teenagers groups.
The really interesting part of this study is while kids say they are more stressed and worried more this year than before, only a small percantage of parents believed their kids were stressed. 45% of kids say they are more stressed while 28% of parents say their kids are more stressed. This is in line with how often parents underestimate their child's other risky behaviors such as drug use, depression, and sexual activity.
While it is widely accepted adults are encountering more stress, it seems we think children are immune. Kids stress most often over their family financial issues, their appearance and their ability to fit in. Finanacial issues top the list and this may be a huge surprise to most parents. Granted this may be more true in a less afluent family, but it still has an impact which cannot be ignored.
If we look at what a child needs to feel safe, financial security is huge. No child can feel secure if they know they may not have a place to live, or food to eat. No child is immune to the stress of poverty. Imagine waking up and going off to school only to come home and find your family's posessions on the street. Your home is not yours any longer. People are walking by and whispering, "How sad."
Families are in crisis in our country. Our kids are carrying much of the stress we as adults carry. Kids don't have the coping skills to handle that much stress. Think of the impact on their school activites. Think of the impact on their physical health. Will we be seeing more kids with ulcers, sleep disorders and obesity as a result?
Bottom line is this: if you are stressed out, chances are, so are your kids. Talking to them about what they are thinking or worried about or scared about will help. Reality can be pretty horrible, but the unknown is far more frightening. Kids tend to "awfulize" things based on their fantastic imaginations and the inability to distinguish what might happen with what will happen.
Share with your kids. Listen to what they are saying and what they are trying to say through their behaviors. Stress relievers can work for kids too. Eat well, rest, exercise and take time to do something you really enjoy. Take time to really know what your kids are experiencing. You may be surprised to find they are just as worried about the future as you are. For some tips on helping kids and adults deal with stress go to www.smhc.org

Is your Three year old predisposed to violent crime?

Children who don't show normal fear responses to loud, unpleasant sounds at the age of 3 may be more likely to commit crimes as adults, according to a new study. That statement in itself is startling. The study goes on to say researchers tested the 3-year-olds' responses to unpleasant noises using a lie detector. When they looked at any criminal records among the participants 20 years later, 137 of them (131 male, 6 female) had at least one criminal conviction.
Compared to almost 300 participants with no criminal records, those 137 participants had a much lower response to the noises at the age of 3.
The findings link previous studies suggesting that psychopaths and children with behavioral problems at the age of 11 have similar abnormalities in a part of the brain called the amygdala. That structure is largely responsible for directing fear of consequences. It is aslo refered to as the reptilian brain that controls agression and the primative responses that occur, such as rage, and violent impulsive acts such as rape and murder. Crime is clearly a complex construct involving multiple interactions between genetic, brain, family and social influences;just one part of the equation cannot be the magic bullet to fix a growing problem. What this type of study can do is target the resreach for the futre on how to increase the response to noises and triggers towards a more "classic response. It is felt that a response to loud noises signals an understanding of a negaitve consequensce to a negative act. If there is no connection, there is little to no understanding of consequences to a behvaior. It remains to be seen how this one study measures up over time, but it adds another dimension to what we see happening to kids in our country who seem to moving farther and farther away from emotions such as empathy, compassion and respect for other living beings emotions, especially pain. There is yet another resercah project out regarding the reliance upon texting, Facebook, and other social media for the main communication style of this generation. Rsreachers at UCLA find it takes at least 10 seconds to be able to understand an emotional contection in a converstaion. Most text and twitter exchanges are far less than that and have no emotionaly charged content to feel. The ability to empathize and conncet on an emtionally common ground is fading fast. There is much concern over the impact in the long run regarding morals, and ethics for the coming generations is paramount to maintaining a cohesive and morally competant society.
I am sure there will be much more about these studies as wego forward. In the meantime, make sure our kids have a chance to sit with another person who is experiencing some degree of emtional or psychic pain. See how long it takes them to understand the depth or presence of that disturbacne and talk about it afterwards. How did they feel? Was it uncomfortable for them? Did it affect them at all? The answer to these few questions may lead to a more in depth discussion that tells you exactly who your child is becoming and if you still have time to imact that growth. If you need help please be sure to contact a therapist or counselor who understands the way children think. It makes all the difference in the world for the child to have someone who knows they are not just a pint sized adult. For suggestions,please go to www.smhc.org

Do you Know, is Your Child Anxious?

One of the main indicators of how well a child is adapting or coping with their lives is the amount of stress of anxiety they carry with them. Everyone gets anxious. We all have a flight or fight response. It is natural. It is what saves us from being eaten by bears, although our bears usually take the form of bullies, big dogs and an oncoming car.
Children experience this too. They just are not very good at handling it yet. They don't have what we adults like to call coping skills. Children tend to show they are anxious by acting out. They can get very irritable, very worrisome and have nightmares. They may freeze, feel unable to move or speak for a time. They have stomach aches, headaches, and some even have problems with balance and gait or walking. Some kids get so anxious they lash out at others when they have no other outlet for their emotions.
If your child is experiencing a lot of these symptoms, they may be enduring a huge amount of stress and anxiety. Finding out what the cause is is not as important as giving the child a way to help make some of the anxiousness go away even in only for a short time. Once a child feels they do have control, even for a brief moment, they can continue to feel success and will try to handle more of the negative feelings. Once they have a period of de-stress in which to be, then you can try to find the cause of the stress.
It may be something simple like tests.Many children have test anxiety. It may be something a little more fearsome like a bully at school or in their neighborhood. Dealing with stress is a common theme in a very complicated society, so we all need to learn better more effective ways to deal.
For a child, they first have to be given a suggestion to help them feel okay again. Breathing exercises like blowing bubbles is wonderful. This actually exercises the power of breathe and offers a visual of the anxiety lifting for the child and floating away. Another suggestion is a tactile activity like playing with clay or dough. Children who learn to cook, or make things do very well with handling stress. Gardening is another one that helps. Tending to a small seed and watching it grow into a plant offers so much chance of success and accomplishment. This can provide the child a sense of self worth. Any physical activity that is non competitive is great. Fresh air, sunshine, walking and talking and experiencing things together are great healers. Collecting rocks and sea shells is beautiful, and offers a chance to share wonders thruogh their eyes.
Try to see things through your child's eyes for a fresh insight into their world. They haven't learned to take the magic and beauty that surrounds us so much for granted as adults have. You may notice none of these things involve therapy or a lot of cash. They all involve connection for you and your child. They involve spending time and talking to each other. This is the key to helping a child cope with anxiety. If these simply things don't seem to work, or if they work for a while, then fail. They you can turn to a professional. They will always be there if you need them, but this may be one you can impact with a simple walk on the beach and a conversation by a campfire. So relax, you can't help teach a child to handle stress if you can't do it yourself.

The Teen at Your Door

The demand for commercial sexual exploitation flourishes around the world, fueled by prostitution and pornography.Human trafficking generates $32 billion annually, according to Interpol in 2007. The estimates are twice that now. The United Nations claims that the trafficking of human beings has surpassed the drug trade to become the second largest source of money for organized crime after the illegal arms trade.The U.S. State Department estimates at least 600,000 to 800,000 human beings are trafficked across international borders each year. Numbers within national borders are much higher. Among all trafficking victims, 80 percent are female and 50 percent are children.UNICEF reports that more than 1 million children around the world enter the sex trade every year. Approximately 30 million children have lost their childhood to sexual exploitation over the past 30 years. 30 million children. That is a huge number and that estimate is two years old. Everyone thinks sex trafficking involves other countries, and mostly adults. Few realize the impact of the pornography industry and the explosion of sexually explicit businesses on children right here in the United States. At a presentation on human trafficking in San Antonio, I learned of a very visible indicator of a child involved in sex trafficking. They had come to my home and knocked on my door. To me they were a kid trying to sell me way overpriced stuff that I didn't really need or want. I noticed the young man was alone. It was almost dark. He was clean and well mannered. Very talkative and very engaging. He told me he was part of a group that traveled across the country raising money to help get kids off drugs and get them involved in a good life. Sounds good, right? I declined to buy anything, but was fascinated by the fact this boy was walking the block at such a late hour. A few weeks after the presentation, another teen appeared at my door with the same spiel. This time, I looked a little deeper into the eyes of the young girl who struggles with one size too big new pants, and the giant plastic container carrying her wares. I asked her if she could use some water and she came into my home. I listened to her and then asked a simple question. "Do you need help?" Her eyes told the story as did her tears. She had been brought to San Antonio from Florida. Her story was one of being groomed by an older guy, just like a pedophile does, and then convinced to go with him and be part of his life. She told how she was forced to have sex with not only the guy that professed his undying love for her, but with several of the people who were higher up in the group. If she did not sell a certain amount of stuff, she could only earn a bed to sleep in by having sex with the older people in the group. If she wnated clothes , sex. She had had 3 abortions and been treated for STD's 15 times. She was 15 years old. Her story gets repeated everyday all across the country. I still see these kids from time to time in my neighborhood, but they are here less frequently than before. If a child knocks on your door, for whatever the reason, please take the time to listen to them. Offer them help. If they are in a place to want to get away they will take you up on that offer. Calling CPS and the local police is a first step. The system is not perfect, but these children deserve a chance to be rescued. IN closing here is another fact for you to consider: despite an estimated 100,000 to 150,000 sex slaves in the U.S., fewer than 1,000 victims have been assisted through the efforts of federal, state and local law enforcement since 2001, when services for trafficking victims were first made available. Please take the time to help the kid at your door. You may be their last best chance.

Understanding the Progression of Violence. Prt 3

1 in 20 children witnessed someone being shot, 1 in 200 witnessed a murder, and 1 in 50 were sexually assaulted according to a survey done by the Crimes Against Children Research Center. As children grow older, the incidences of victimization increases to the point of 1 in 10 14-17 year olds witnessing a shooting in the past year, while 1 in 75 witnessed a murder. 2 in 5 children surveyed were exposed to 2 or more types of violence in the previous year. More than 1 in 10 was exposed to 5 or more different types of violence in the same time period. Studies continue to prove repeated exposure to traumatic violence has long lasting effects upon not only the the mental functioning of a child, but their physical well being also. These issues carry over into their adult life if they are not identified and given the appropriate care early on. Take a look at your local news. How many young adults are experiencing dramatic issues with authority, lack of regard for life, lack of respect for property,and people. Animal abuse and child abuse continue to rise despite increased awareness campaigns. The damaged children of the past are now the young adults who are causing havoc in our communities. No other group of children have ever experienced the threats this generation does. No other group has had to cope with bombs and shootings in school, violence in their front yards, drive by shootings, forced sex trafficking, and child abductions. We are getting exactly what we have put into the children. We cut funding to care for them , cut budgets for their education and crowded our schools to the point of exploding, and they are. More needs to be done to ask children about what types of exposure to violence they have encountered. What type of assault and by whom and where. Any tools used to evaluate a child's exposure to violence must take into account the developmental capabilities of the child and the caretaker. Violence takes a toll on children, be they witnesses or victims. Any exposure to violence needs to be talked about and evaluated. None of us were born knowing how to cope with certain events. We were taught, either by the adults we saw in the same situation or by society at large. These kids may not be able to process the needed information due to traumatic exposure issues which prevent them from being fully present in their lives. Some children cope by "checking out". Some turn to anger and agression as the only thing they see that will keep them safe. Children learn what they live is an old saying. Old sayings that have been around for a while are still here because they are true. I don't have one clear answer. Clearly more work is needed. There are no fast answers on how to prevent children from being exposed to violence in their daily lives. They live it. But we can recognize it and talk about how to help these families that may be at risk for increased violence. We can reach out ot a troubles child and let them talk to us, with no judgement, just talk in their own language about what they are dealing with. Listening to our kids is the first thing we have to get right. For more information about what you can do visit http://www.safestartcenter.org

Violence and Children: Looking Deeper

60% of our children are victims of violence at some point during their lives. The most common types of victimization in infancy is assault by a sibling usually with no weapon or injury. Also, the witnessing of assault against a family member is high during this period. Parents know the possibility of sibling rivalry can cause some cause for concern. Parents also know the younger the child, the greater the chance for an incident, especially if the older child is under 36 months old. With teens having babies and several having multiple births in a short period of time, we can see where this tye of exposure to violence is definitely on the rise. In the toddler years( ages 2-5)the most common type of victimizations are sibling assault, again with no injury or weapon, bullying and witnessing family assault. Most people are shocked to find that bullying comes in so early in a child's experience. But if we think about it, how many children have their toys taken from them by older kids and get pushed down on the playground? In middle childhood (ages 6-9) The victimization extends to physical bullying and emotional bullying or teasing. When we look at the next category ( ages 10-13) Assault with a weapon is the most common type followed by sexual harassment, kidnapping, witnessing family assault and witnessing intimate partner violence, At age 10 our kids are exposed to a variety of crimes against them having to do with sex. Kidnapping is carried out for forced prostitution, sex trafficking and child pornography. Intimate partner violence is usually parental, but can also involve the child themselves. At age 14-17 the child is a a peak risk for assault with injury, assault by a peer ( non sibling) genital assault, dating violence, sexual victimization of all types, sexual assault,sexual harassment, flashing or sexual exposure, unwanted sexual solicitation online, any maltreatment, psychological or emotional abuse, witnessing community assault, exposure to shootings and school bomb threats or attacks. So the life of a child in the United States from ages 14-17 looks pretty bleak. Here is another fact to add to the picture: a significant number of children, 64.5%, who were exposed to one type of violence both within the past year and over their lifetimes were at far greater risk of experiencing other types of violence. For example, a child who was physically assaulted in the past year would be 5 times more likely to be sexually victimized and 4 times more likely to be maltreated in some way. In Texas, the Blue Ribbon Task Force against Child Abuse is a community organization that works to prevent child abuse with things like billboards and block walks. The task force has been in place for several years. It has a Senator involved for legislative push. The rate of child deaths in Bexar county continues to rise. Whatever efforts have been made in the past, are not addressing the issue of the children who are victims of violence. First responders need to be aware of the impact of violence scenes on the children who may have witnessed them. usually it is much later that these children enter into therapy or counseling after they have begun to exhibit behaviours that place them at risk for school expulsion and abandonment. More needs to be done to identify these children at the scene and get them involved in care. The time is ripe for this country to put it's full force of power and money inot the lives of our children instead of into proping up corporations and endless fights in Washington that waste time and money. Every legislator,federal, state and local, needs to read this report and be held accountable for what they choose to do with the information. We all do. In the coming posts , we will look at the progression of violence and where to go for more information and help. Please see previous post for the link to the entire report.

Does Violence Impact Children

In a recent report released by the National Survey of Children's Exposure to violence, the most comprehensive Nationwide survey of the incidence and prevalence of a child's exposure to violence,the conclusion was stated that 60% of our children are exposed to violence daily. This can be either directly or indirectly. Nearly one half of the children surveyed had been assaulted in the past year, at least once.1 in 6 were victims of sexual victimization. The recent reports of a teen girl who was attacked and gang raped after her homecoming dance while 20 plus witnesses stood by and did nothing, brings up a dramatic question. Why did no one intervene?
Is this the normal our kids expect to see? Children in the US are more likely to be exposed to crime than are adults.Each year millions of children are exposed to violent crimes in their homes, schools, communities as both victims and as witnesses. Children can show remarkable resilience but most often children who are exposed to violence undergo lasting physical, mental and emotional harm. They suffer from difficulties with attachment, regressive behavior, depression and anxiety. They also develope conduct problems. They are more prone to dating violence which we have seen on the rise in San Antonio. The most lasting effect of violence in a child is the effect upon forming lasting relationships through partnering, which will continue the cycle of violence into the next gerentaion.
So what can we do? Violence is all around us, everywhere you look. We are saturated by violence and crime. The key factors are early identification and contiued follow up. Teachers, families, judges, police, pediatricians,mental health workers, CPS workers, domestic violence advocates and others who interact with kids have a responsibility to create interventions that decrease or prevent the harm associated with exposure to violence. These interventions are both physical and mental. These types of interventions rarely take into account the cumulative nature of the effects of violence on the life of a child. This single study focuses on the past year and lifetime exposures to violence across a number of categories to include physical, bullying, sexual victimization, child maltreatment, dating violence, witnessed and indirect victimization. In ages 6-9 sibling assault, bullying, and teasing or assault without a weapon were the most common and declined as the child aged. Older children ages 14-17 were the more likely to be exposed to more serious forms of violence including gang assault, assault with injury, sexual victimisation, and physical and emotional abuse. The most common group experiencing kidnapping with a gun were the 10-13 year old group. Over the next few posts, we will go further into this report and discuss the impact of victimization from infancy through later adolescence. Please come back for the follow ups. The full report can be located here www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp

The Elephant in the room

We had an emergency meeting of the Blue Ribbon Task Force against Child Abuse. Texas has seen an increase in infant deaths from abuse in the past few months. The children were all all under the age of 3 months. We thought we were being called together to mobilize and do something to help these innocents live in an environment free of fear and death at the hands of their care givers. What we heard was how Child Protective Services was re-aligning it's staff. A few years ago, the case workers were drowning in paperwork and couldn't be in the field where the kids needed them. There was a cry from the people to do something to fix this and the 50% turn over rate For CPS case workers. We got that. Turnover now is at 2%. But since there is much less turnover now there are more staff in positions not "needed". So positions will be eliminated or adjusted to move over to work on foodtsamp applications, which is woefully behind in processing new applications. So we are back to no clerical support for the case workers. Another very interesting fact is there will be 1 million dollars designated to provide mandatory drug testing in the families that are receiving Family Based Safety Plan Services. So we now have parents who will test positive, but they have no money for treatment. There are very few treatment options for anyone who is covered by Medicaid or Medicare, which the majority of these families probably will be. Even those who have private insurance are hard pressed to find a program anywhere in the city or South Texas. No answer there again. We all know substance abuse is a blight on the country. We all know it causes a myriad of economic, social, medical and psychological issues. Mentally ill people use street drugs to self medicate. There is much less stigma to being a drug addict than being mentally ill. I know a parent who was relieved to know her 16 year old girl was just addicted to crack, and not "crazy". Until the state and the city commits to making substance abuse treatment a viable option for people who need it, nothing will change. Until Mental Health providers stop fighting over what is a priority and treat the entire person, nothing will change. Children who are raised in a drug abusing home are 10 times more likely to develop substance dependence themselves as well as mental health issues such as anxiety disorders, personality disorders and post traumatic stress disorder. Certain drugs can bring about schizophrenic type episodes and psychosis. Talk to your councilperson and let them know how you feel about the lack ofsuch a painfully obvious needed resource for our city. Let them know we all know the problem. We all know part of the solution. Stop throwing money at tourism and increasing economic development and focus on developing a city that grows healthy and strong families. Speak out for drug treatment to be part of the promise for a stronger San Antonio.
Demand insurance companies provide coverage for treatment of addiction just as they would any medical issue. Push for parity in the true sense of the word. Do some research on mental health and addiction. Then research child abuse cases. The path is clear. Will you be a voice for change for our kids? I hope so.

Here's a Kids Story. Is she someone you know?

I have told you stories about how we can impact children by helping them with what they have to deal with in today's world. Today, I decided to give you a snapshot of one of these kids and what it is she has to cope everyday. Leslie is a precocious 8 year old with long dark curls and beautifully curly lashes. She is bright and can sing like an angel, which she enjoys. It is one of her few joys, she says. She also has just been admitted to the hospital for cutting her wrist, so deep she needed 24 stitches and a blood transfusion. Leslie was the child of addicts. From the time she was a toddler, her daddy injected her with crystal meth, cocaine and variety of other drugs. Then he raped her from the time she was 4, every day, until just a few weeks ago when she went to live with a foster family. She remembers the nights especially. The smells, the sounds and the pain. She also remembers the blood. There was a lot of blood. She learned not to cry and scream because it only made it worse for her. Things got shoved in her mouth if she made too much noise. So she learned to leave her body while this was happening. She learned that pain can be overcome by "checking out" as she calls it. But she said you have to come back sometime. And it gets too real too fast. When the pressure of her life gets too much for her little shoulders and mind to bear, she cuts. The blood is sanctifying and washes away the dirt. She has few friends. Everyone knows there is something different about her, but they have no idea really just how deep it goes. She is haunted by pieces of memories that are too horrible to talk about right now. She can't see anything past where she has already been. She needs counseling and intense therapy. She needs to know she is more than the sum of what was done to her.She needs to know that does not have to define her life. She needs to be able to do that at her own pace and with loving support from at least one person she can learn to trust. She has just learned that she will always be susceptible to addiction, because she was not able to grow up learning how to deal with normal feelings without substances clouding her perceptions. She knows her kids may have th same possible probelm with addiction. She has trouble sometimes figuring out what is real. This may sound like an extreme case to you, but these are the kids I see everyday, either at the clinic, in juvenile custody or on the streets selling themselves for rent. These kids are the forgotten ones. Meanwhile a battle rages in the mental health profession over what is the priority to treat, substance abuse or psychiatric issues. I have a news flash. They are both equally important and substance abuse by children, even if it was forced upon them by direct ingestion or by growing up in a crack house has just a big a place in treatment as bipolar and depression. But take a quick look at the availability of effective substance abuse interventions for kids from the age of 10-18. In my area there are relatively none. What does that say about just how well the industry is keeping up with what the community needs? I think we can all agree kids are in desperate need of help in all aspects of their lives. Substance abuse deserves an equal amount of money and attention in treating a child. After all wellness included the entire body, mind and soul. Total wellness cannot be achieved with anything less. My challenge to you is to let your city officials know we need to get kids treatment for drug issues as well as mental health issues. If we can bail out GM and AIG we can surely spend a few hundred million dollars on saving our kids. Aren't they worth it?

Mental Illness Awareness Month/ October

We all agree there are mentally ill people who need our help. They are on the streets and living under bridges. They are also in our kids classrooms, protecting our city from fire and crime and treating us when we are ill. Mentally ill people are productive parts of our society who go about the daily routines of their lives with little more than a bump occasionally along the way, usually. Sometimes the struggle comes for them when they don't know what is happening to them, why they feel the way they do, or why they suddenly lash out verbally for no reason. Kids are especially overlooked when it comes to early identification of what may be a mental health issue. Every day, 50% of the teens in our country think about suicide. Every day an unknown percentage of grade school children deal with extreme anxiety so much so they experience physical symptoms. Mental illness is easily treated, if found early. Sometimes all we need to do is talk it through with someone who is non-judgemental and caring. Sometimes we may need a little more help than that. Whatever the effective treatment may turn out to be, the longer we delay in accepting there may be a mental health issue at play, the more damage is done. The wait, the delay, the denial, the struggles. These are the things that destroy a life bit by bit. These things draw the person into a darkness of soul that takes years to crawl out of. No one likes to feel they are always on unstable groung. No one needs to experience how of touch they are with the rest of the world for every minute of their existence. We all need to be comfortable in our own skins and with the thoughts rattling around in our brains. Intense thoughts of darkness, lack of hope and despair don't make for a happy life. Please take the time to check out the PBS specials on Healthy Minds this October. Within our minds are the powers of the universe, waiting to be unlocked. Take care of those divine sparks and make sure we all have a chance at healthy minds.http://www.wliw.org/productions/local/healthy-minds/season-two-overview/164/

Lost Generation

We adults will all agree kids have much more to deal with than when did when we were in school. Technology has shrunk the world into sound bytes and mere seconds of information bursts. But what adults generally find disagreement over is the amount of stress a child is encountering just trying to make it through an average day. Take time. Time is in short supply. Get up, hurry up, get dressed bag a quick breakfast if at all, and run to the school bus. Don't be late to class. There are no excuses. Two tardy's and your in detention. Then there are the social elements in schools. Imagine having to spend 8 hours in a place crammed with people whose sole reason to exist is to harass and bully, you sometimes to the point of physical assault, but always including emotional abuse which leaves much longer deeper scars. We can all agree security is a prime need for healthy children. Yet we tend to gloss over the effect of violent graphic news items depicting the death, rape, abduction brutalization and basic enslaving of innocent children by the adults charged with protecting them. Add to that fear. A fear of not knowing if they will have a place to sleep tonight, where it will be, will it be warm and safe. Or will they be huddled in a corner on a city sidewalk somewhere. Parents are another cause for worry. Will Daddy be drunk again he he gets home? If he is, how drunk and what can I do to be sure he doesn't get angry again? How can I be sure not to get hit? If mommy comes home at all, will she bring some strange people with her who keep trying to do strange unspeakable things to me? If there are other kids in the home, can I keep them from being hurt. I may be the only chance they have. The child now has adult responsibilites no child should have to handle. Police officers seem to be the enemy. They see a kid on the street and automatically they think , if your are a girl you are a prostitute. They don't hear your side of the story about how the guy who swears to look out for you actually wants a lot in return, usually involving some sex act with him or maybe many of his friends. The icons of what we adults hold as the trappings of childhood, ply hide and seek, daydreaming and bike riding, have been replaced with fear, anger, worry, stress, and panic. They all breed mistrust in a world the children don't understand and are trying their best to figure out as they go. This includes very little healthy adult input. I saw a group of about 30 teen aged kids who had just gotten off the school buses. They all ran to a vacant lot and started kicking and hitting a particular boy. The mob grew. The kid tried to run. They surrounded him and pushed him back into the mob waiting to hit him. They had him on the ground, kicking him in turn. He finally got up long enough to run a few steps, before they caught up to him again. Down he went. More kids arrived in cars. Gang signs flashed as as I watched in the rear view mirror while I was on the phone to the police dispatch. I watched as a young man pulled gun from in his pants and ran down the street pointing it at the boy who was being victimized. By now there were close to 100 kids.. still no adults but me. I don't know what the outcome was. I never saw a cruiser arrive. No one contacted me as the witness. I live in a relatively good part of town in 5A rated school distrcist with people who have modest means. I have never seen this type of mob mentality before. This boy has a long journey ahead of him, if he is still alive. This is a normal day in the live of many of our children. Just one millisecond away from the end of their lives. We all need to take a good look at what kind of a world we are bequeathing to our children. So far it seems their legacy is fear, anger, rage, violence, apathy, predatory tendencies and a world devoid of empathy and respect for something as divine and miraculous as a living being. Our kids stress levels are equal to if not greater than most adults,and they don't have any tools to deal. We need to recognize that childhood is no longer the time of innocence and carefree days of play and daydreaming. Our kids are being taught guerrilla tactics simply to survive. And we don't understand why teens who have babies end up beating them, or killing them. We can't conceive of how a mother can leave her baby alone for hours while she goes to a bar. We have no idea what it is like to be a kid today. Perhaps it is time we really start to see what our kids put up with from schools, teachers, adults, and the world around them. If we start reaching out to them now, maybe we can save a few before it is too late. The really scarry part of everytning I saw, was the kids involved were laughing and enjoying this incident where so much pain and suffereing was inlflicted. For More information on stress and its effects on kids please go to http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/stress.html

Raising Respectful Children

They really do exist. I have seen these rare creatures up close and in the flesh. They rarely travel in large packs like their more commonly seen counterparts, but respectful children do exist. So where'd they come from? Are they indigenous to the US or did they transport here from some other country... or planet? They were raised to be respectful, is my take on the phenomenon. They were given respect just as they were expected to give it. Adults in their lives listened when they talked. They payed attention to their fears, their hopes, dreams and their accomplishments. They were treated as valued people in their own homes. They were a part of the larger group, the family, and they had as much of a right to talk as anyone else. They learned their ideas and wants may not always get priority, because there were others who lived in this collective with them, but they also knew their needs would always be given top billing over the wants of others. These kids are all around us. At least they used to be. As we travel through our lives as busy adults, we tend to focus on what is causing the most distress at any given time. Kids know that. They watch what we pay attention to. They watch how we respond to wait times, traffic, stupid drivers, stupid people, and the list goes on. In order to get respect we have to be ready to give respect; respect for the spirit and personality that comes with every child and hopefully grows stronger the longer the child lives. You want to find children who are respectful? Look in your own family. If they aren't there, guess who's responsible?