There has been much interest in bullying over the past few years. There are programs and tips and school programs to address this issue. We tend to focus largely on kids and how bullying impacts them, and rightly so. But we need to also realize kids who are bullies generally grow up to be bullies too. If you think about it, I am sure everyone can remember a bully they had to deal with in an adult setting. Maybe it could have been a boss or supervisor. Perhaps a co-worker or customer.
The traits of an adult bully are similar to those of a child bully. The exhibit aggression and intimidation in their interactions with others and promote negative behaviors. They fail to communicate well with those they bully and criticize them. They discount the work others do and belittle the work done. They may spread untruths and have an attitude of knowing it all and are prone to verbal attacks against others. They tend to derail any attempts to create a healthy work or community environment. You can see the similarity between the adult and child bully. Consequently, the bullied adult will have many of the same issues as the bullied child; they may have stress related symptoms like fatigue, sleeplessness, physical aches and pains, and may have frequent absences from work. The avoidance of work is similar to the avoidance of school for kids. They may also be moody, apathetic, irritable and anxious. The bully and the bullied will often display the same set of symptoms: fatigue, anxiety, physical illness, frustration and anger.
If we are to address bullying at the school level , we must also realize there are bullies and bullied who are the teachers, counselors and administrators in our school systems. All bullies need to be identified and be offered assistance to overcome this. Some bullies don't know they are "bullying" as they have been very successful in business and other areas by using these tactics. Awareness is always the first step to identify how deep a problem runs. There are numerous websites that provide additional information and resources for bullying prevention. The best and most comprehensive is StopBullying.gov. It addresses both sides of bullying and is categorized by age of the respondant from children to adults. As with all things, if we are to provide our children a better learning environment, we must start with ourselves. We need to be sure our own houses are in order before we begin to attempt to address an issue. It is time to stand up for those that have been bullied and provide both the bully and the bullied an avenue to change their pattern for the better.
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Time of Year
It is that time of year again. Back to school for millions of kids across the nation. But what will kids encounter when they return? They will have the new backpacks and new folders, cool, pens and pencils and other stuff to get their school experience up and running while being cool. They will also find classrooms that are more crowded, teachers that are less skilled in some cases and the big pink gorilla in the school remains bullying. Schools have had to cut their budgets, so teachers who have a long history of teaching experience may have been replaced with newer teachers who may not have all the tools at their disposal that the veterans do. Also, some schools are moving to a 4 day week instead of 5. Big changes that will impact kids as they return to their job of going to school. Parents too feel the stress of the return. They have to buy all the necessary supplies which seems to get longer and more complicated a the years go by. Used to, a box of crayons, scissors, a ruler and two pencils would get you through the lower grades. Not any more. Elementary school lists rival a families shopping list for a week.Parents are now trying to figure out how to manage a 4 day school week. What are they going to do with their kids on day 5, especially if parents work and most do. What is the cost of a day of child care? Will that tilt the budget over the edge? Schools are trying to save money by trying the 4 day week thing but what about families?
Where will these kids go? Will there be a huge number of kids who have no adult supervision on day 5 of the week? It remains to be seen.Creative parenting gets a chance to be highlighted!
Back to my gorilla now. Bullying has not decreased since the last school yer. In fact a return to school will undoubtedly add a whole new group of kids that will become targets for bullies. It will depend upon a number of things including the expertise of the teachers in the schools, the mind set of the administrators of the school and the overall policy of the school district. Every year kids group together in their own social groups and in doing that, some kids will be left out as :different:" than the core group. That perceived difference will be the basis for bullying behaviors. What's more, these bullies now have the entire technological array at their disposal. Kids cannot escape from the bullying by simply going home and closing the door. Now cell phones follow them wherever they go. One thing parents can do to help their kids with this cyber attack is to make a rule of now cell phones after 7 pm. Also have a central place where cell phones are parked to charge. Not in their rooms where they will continue to get alerts of a text or addition to their Facebook accounts. Set limits om internet use. Monitor those social media sites, even if your kid is totally trustworthy. They may encounter a bully they have no idea how to handle. Talk to your kids about this issue. Let them know what they need to do if they find themselves the target of bullies either in the flesh or via technology. Know who your kids are hanging out with . Know who their friends are in person and in cyberspace. Knowing this could also prevent a predator from finding your child. It all comes down to being prepared for the new school year, financially, supply wise, game plans , and child care. It comes down to parents being involved in their child's educational experience. Talk to the teachers, talk to the principle and the administrators. Know what your schools policy is on bullying and how to report an incident. Above all, know your kids and what they are doing. Talk to them and find out about their day, every day. Being an involved parent is the best thing you can do to help your kiddo have a good educational experience. Good luck and remember to turn off the cell phone and just talk to each other.
Where will these kids go? Will there be a huge number of kids who have no adult supervision on day 5 of the week? It remains to be seen.Creative parenting gets a chance to be highlighted!
Back to my gorilla now. Bullying has not decreased since the last school yer. In fact a return to school will undoubtedly add a whole new group of kids that will become targets for bullies. It will depend upon a number of things including the expertise of the teachers in the schools, the mind set of the administrators of the school and the overall policy of the school district. Every year kids group together in their own social groups and in doing that, some kids will be left out as :different:" than the core group. That perceived difference will be the basis for bullying behaviors. What's more, these bullies now have the entire technological array at their disposal. Kids cannot escape from the bullying by simply going home and closing the door. Now cell phones follow them wherever they go. One thing parents can do to help their kids with this cyber attack is to make a rule of now cell phones after 7 pm. Also have a central place where cell phones are parked to charge. Not in their rooms where they will continue to get alerts of a text or addition to their Facebook accounts. Set limits om internet use. Monitor those social media sites, even if your kid is totally trustworthy. They may encounter a bully they have no idea how to handle. Talk to your kids about this issue. Let them know what they need to do if they find themselves the target of bullies either in the flesh or via technology. Know who your kids are hanging out with . Know who their friends are in person and in cyberspace. Knowing this could also prevent a predator from finding your child. It all comes down to being prepared for the new school year, financially, supply wise, game plans , and child care. It comes down to parents being involved in their child's educational experience. Talk to the teachers, talk to the principle and the administrators. Know what your schools policy is on bullying and how to report an incident. Above all, know your kids and what they are doing. Talk to them and find out about their day, every day. Being an involved parent is the best thing you can do to help your kiddo have a good educational experience. Good luck and remember to turn off the cell phone and just talk to each other.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Bulllying, Tecnology and the Culture of Cruelty
Bullying is getting a lot of press these days, and rightly so. There are almost weekly reports of a young person somewhere in the USA that couldn't take the abuse any longer so they chose to end the pain one way or another. There have been suicides, and shootings all around bullies. The interesting thing in this is the victim suffers, and sometimes others suffer because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Rarely is the bully the one that feels the consequences so intimately. Schools are expected to teach our kids. That means teach them socially as well as academically. With the introduction of things like, 4G cell phones with Internet access and Blue tooth "beaming" photos, there is no teacher that can keep up with the thousands of Megabytes of information being sent and received. A single nasty comment on a Face book page goes viral and the victim suddenly has what seems like thousands of people jumping on to join in the fun of destroying someones life. Teasing has been around forever it seems and part of it is how kids learn what is ok and what is hurtful. Think about it. How often are snide or derogatory comments made about people just in general conversation? Their hair, their makeup. their clothes, their shoes, their skin, braces. their weight. It never ends. We are hyper critical as a society. Add to that the needing to belong to a group of peers in a group of kids and you have a perfect storm. What is missing in this little scenario is the victim's responsibility in the bullying relationship. I know. I can hear you guys freaking out because I am blaming the victim. No so! I am saying the victim has to participate in this exchange, otherwise, there is no power and no pay off. If the intended victim walks away, or blocks the senders messages from their device....then does the bully continue? What would be the point? Kids bully for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they bully unintentionally. They don't understand the impact of their words or actions may have on others. Kids are pretty self focused. They rarely are aware of the power they have to effect their friends or peers. Other times, they are trying out what works in their group of friends.. kind of a game of how to win friends and influence people. Lastly, kids who have been bullied, either at home or at school, will try to bully someone else to release their frustration and to establish power. Kids in groups are the worst. The group actually encourages the bully to continued. The bully now has an audience, admireres, people who are on their side. Even if there are kids that just stand and watch, they are perceived as being involved from the victim's perspective.
So what do we do about it? It isn't going away. We can't take cell phones from all the kids, or kick them all off the net. What we can do is teach them what it measn to be a friend. What it means to give respect to others not becuase of what they look like or how pretty they are. Respect should be given to people. There is no need to earn it. If you believe in the unique talents of each person, you must respect that spark. Teach kids what to do if they see someone being bullied. They can choose to step in and stop the abuse. They can tell an adult if they need help to stop the abuse. They can befriend the target of the bully, so they are not an outcast. There are so many things parents can do to teach their kids how to be social and get ahead without stepping on bodies of those they have destroyed either socially or emotionally.
Kids who bully, grow up to be bullies in the boardrooms and in their own homes. Bullying behavior that persists after the early teens, will likely blossom into a character disorder or personality disorder in later life. These are the people who rage on the roadway and end up abusing their families.
Learn all you can about bullying. It is going to be a job just to stay ahead of the new ways kids can needle each other. Start a group at school to address bullying on campus.
Stand up for your friends guys. We are in this together afterall, no one gets out alive.
So what do we do about it? It isn't going away. We can't take cell phones from all the kids, or kick them all off the net. What we can do is teach them what it measn to be a friend. What it means to give respect to others not becuase of what they look like or how pretty they are. Respect should be given to people. There is no need to earn it. If you believe in the unique talents of each person, you must respect that spark. Teach kids what to do if they see someone being bullied. They can choose to step in and stop the abuse. They can tell an adult if they need help to stop the abuse. They can befriend the target of the bully, so they are not an outcast. There are so many things parents can do to teach their kids how to be social and get ahead without stepping on bodies of those they have destroyed either socially or emotionally.
Kids who bully, grow up to be bullies in the boardrooms and in their own homes. Bullying behavior that persists after the early teens, will likely blossom into a character disorder or personality disorder in later life. These are the people who rage on the roadway and end up abusing their families.
Learn all you can about bullying. It is going to be a job just to stay ahead of the new ways kids can needle each other. Start a group at school to address bullying on campus.
Stand up for your friends guys. We are in this together afterall, no one gets out alive.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Violence and Children: Looking Deeper
60% of our children are victims of violence at some point during their lives. The most common types of victimization in infancy is assault by a sibling usually with no weapon or injury. Also, the witnessing of assault against a family member is high during this period. Parents know the possibility of sibling rivalry can cause some cause for concern. Parents also know the younger the child, the greater the chance for an incident, especially if the older child is under 36 months old. With teens having babies and several having multiple births in a short period of time, we can see where this tye of exposure to violence is definitely on the rise. In the toddler years( ages 2-5)the most common type of victimizations are sibling assault, again with no injury or weapon, bullying and witnessing family assault. Most people are shocked to find that bullying comes in so early in a child's experience. But if we think about it, how many children have their toys taken from them by older kids and get pushed down on the playground? In middle childhood (ages 6-9) The victimization extends to physical bullying and emotional bullying or teasing. When we look at the next category ( ages 10-13) Assault with a weapon is the most common type followed by sexual harassment, kidnapping, witnessing family assault and witnessing intimate partner violence, At age 10 our kids are exposed to a variety of crimes against them having to do with sex. Kidnapping is carried out for forced prostitution, sex trafficking and child pornography. Intimate partner violence is usually parental, but can also involve the child themselves. At age 14-17 the child is a a peak risk for assault with injury, assault by a peer ( non sibling) genital assault, dating violence, sexual victimization of all types, sexual assault,sexual harassment, flashing or sexual exposure, unwanted sexual solicitation online, any maltreatment, psychological or emotional abuse, witnessing community assault, exposure to shootings and school bomb threats or attacks. So the life of a child in the United States from ages 14-17 looks pretty bleak. Here is another fact to add to the picture: a significant number of children, 64.5%, who were exposed to one type of violence both within the past year and over their lifetimes were at far greater risk of experiencing other types of violence. For example, a child who was physically assaulted in the past year would be 5 times more likely to be sexually victimized and 4 times more likely to be maltreated in some way. In Texas, the Blue Ribbon Task Force against Child Abuse is a community organization that works to prevent child abuse with things like billboards and block walks. The task force has been in place for several years. It has a Senator involved for legislative push. The rate of child deaths in Bexar county continues to rise. Whatever efforts have been made in the past, are not addressing the issue of the children who are victims of violence. First responders need to be aware of the impact of violence scenes on the children who may have witnessed them. usually it is much later that these children enter into therapy or counseling after they have begun to exhibit behaviours that place them at risk for school expulsion and abandonment. More needs to be done to identify these children at the scene and get them involved in care. The time is ripe for this country to put it's full force of power and money inot the lives of our children instead of into proping up corporations and endless fights in Washington that waste time and money. Every legislator,federal, state and local, needs to read this report and be held accountable for what they choose to do with the information. We all do. In the coming posts , we will look at the progression of violence and where to go for more information and help. Please see previous post for the link to the entire report.
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