Different Issues Every Year

Happy Children Playing Kids (Photo credit: epSos.de)

I routinely provide training for schools on kids and mental health for teachers, counselors and parents. Over the past three years I have done trainings on self harm, bullying and suicide. The teachers and counselors tell me they always ask for trainings on the prevailing issues they encounter with their students. This year I have done two parent trainings on grief and loss in kids. Parents there were asking questions related to the death of a family member, deployment, and separation. How do you make it less difficult for a child ? Every child is different, but with most kids just being honest with them and letting them know they are not at fault is key. Kids think everything has to do with them..magical thinking goes a long way. Kids need to be able to talk about the person who is no longer there. Parents need to allow a child to talk about them in a non-judgemental atmosphere. Keeping in mind there are major issues involved with a marriage breakup, this may be difficult, but it is very important the child feel their feelings they have are ok. Parents who encourage their children to talk about things that may be difficult help their child work through to a good outcome. Parents who bash the absent partner do damage to the children who may overhear  their negative tirades. preparing a child for an expected loss is  hard but helps the child make sense out of a confusing event. Allowing a child to have time to say goodbye or to just build more memories with someone who may be terminally ill will help them learn to accept and overcome grief. Also, kids watch how the adults deal with these events. If it is ok for mom or dad to ask for help, then it becomes ok for the child to ask too. Sometimes family therapy can help with particularly difficult times. It all comes down to honest and open communication, non-judgemental safe zones for kids to talk, and above all love and affection that is unconditional. This year, the issues that kids are having a hard time with is loss. It makes me wonder how many kids are struggling, but are just afraid to ask for help.

Related articles

• What do I do if my child tells me that he or she is being bullied? (education.com)
• Grief & School (mommanaginglife.wordpress.com)
• He is grieving too (elisdream.wordpress.com)
• Parental 'poison' of kids on rise (theage.com.au)

Mental Health, A Family Affair

We know how families can impact what we think, and how we act long after we have grown up and moved on. So how does growing up with a parent who has a mental illness impact kids?  In a recent study, 21,000 families observed over 4 years shows that those kids who have two parents with depression are at a particularly high risk of behavioral or emotional problems. Those with only one parent being depressed are more likely to experience these issues than the rest of the population of children. Kids in this study ranged in age from 5-17 years old. The data shows when dad is depressed , approximately 11 % of kids  showed signs of behavioral or emotional problems. When Mom was depressed the number rises to 19% and to 25% when both parents are depressed. Teens aged 12-17 with depressed dads, males, and who lived with smokers had even higher rates of depression. This study appears in the journal, Pediatrics. At any rate, it is clear pediatricians and family practice  physicians need to pay more attention to the levels of depression in parents in order to help treat any issues in the kids.  It is evident Dad's depression may be overlooked as they are rarely the parent who brings the child to the doctor. However, a good history could alert the practitioner of some underlying depressive issues that occur in the family. It is unclear at this juncture, if the depressed parents make their kids more depressed or vice versa. What is clear is anyone who has contact with children, and who suspects they may have a problem with depression or anxiety needs to look at the family as a whole before proceeding with a course of treatment. Mental health and well being is truly a family affair. 

What Every Parent Wants to Know

Parents are fighting a battle for their kids even if they don't know it. There is an undercurrent of darkness threatening to swallow up the light of childhood at every turn. Books, cartoons, songs, clothing, TV video games, schools, friends. These are the circles of influence for children ages 10-25. Notice parents and teachers are absent from that list. Whatever you belief system is, it isn't there either. If this sounds alarming, it should. Children are becoming more agressive, less empathetic and considerate as each day passes. Our legacy that is our children is rapidly shaping up to be a generation of thugs. What do we do about it? As a nation, a state or a city? We stand up and stop saving children from the consequences of their actions. Children need limits and boundaries. For more information on effective parenting techniques go to http://effectiveparentingusa.org